The Day President Uhuru Almost Deported Safaricom CEO Bob Collymore

You might have heard of the warrant of arrest issued against Bob Collymore and other Telco CEOs recently for not implementing the mobile number registration for all subscribers.

When Safaricom CEO Bob Collymore received the CID summon, first he belittled it because he has always equated himself to a small god in the country. That is why he has been able to snatch someone’s wife and brag that the guy can do nothing about it. So the CID summon was a shocker to him and he promised to just send junior Safaricom legal counsels and not even the chief corporate affairs Claire Rutto or Nzioka Waita who is the Director of Corporate Affairs.

Bob then did the unthinkable while trying to punish the “stupid government of this filthy African state”, he disabled the access given to CID and National Intelligence Service to intercept Safaricom calls and track the location of every Safaricom subscriber.

The last move angered President Uhuru so much that he ordered the IMMEDIATE and UNCONDITIONAL deportation of Bob Collymore. Bob Collymore was immediately arrested and was being prepared for deportation when miracles happened.

It took the intervention of a junior Safaricom employee who joined politics and contested as running mate in the last election for the order to be rescinded. The employee pleaded with State House operatives to beg President Uhuru not to deport Bob Collymore and at least give him some soft landing because Bob Collymore saved the Safaricom employee with a senior appointment in the company after the embarrassing defeat in the last election.

For now, the randy CEO can rest easy that he is free to shag as many girls as possible as he rarely does anything meaningful in the company apart from being pictured with socialites and professional call girls. Even after his State House meeting, the head os state has promised never to entertain such nonsense.